Archie

Because I'm Brilliant.

Aka, That Time I Was Fucktarded.

 I was going to try to get all fancy with electrical diagrams and stuff, but instead let's talk simply about the dipshit thing I did last night.

Let me go backwards first, though.  I had annual fasting blood work first thing in the morning.  I'm all excited about healthcare, but, for whatever reason, blood work fucks up my day.  I was that kid in high school who almost fainted giving blood, but not because I'm gushy about blood.  I'm just greedy about my personal resources, I guess.

By the time I got home, I was done.  Exhausted.  Went to lay on my bed for a minute, woke up an hour and a half later.  Finally dragged myself out to the barn to visit the kiddo.

He's pastured in the back forty right now, probably because he screams for the mares every time he rediscovers them.  Anyways, previously, we went through a different pasture to get to the back pasture.  Now, I go through the big pasture to get to him.  All of this is to say that there is a slip-through and I love it.  I normally disconnect the hot wire, grab his halter, slip the superfluous bit of the chain off the holder and dip under the hot wire connector.  No problemo.


Last night, though, I derped in two magical ways, which just made the experience that much more lovely:

I held on to the chain and didn't dip low enough.

And my wonderful, stupid self became a fun conduit for the electrical fencing.  I lost my breath, my jaw slammed shut, and I petered back out the way I came, clutching my head.  I texted D pretty promptly and he broke it down for me.


So instead of doing the little petty thing I'd planned on (bareback ride through the woods), I parked myself on a lawn chair and watched my pony eat.


More Nuts:
I had a few questions following up my post about coconut oil.  The big concern being which kind to use.  So, let me be completely honest:  that shit you find at Wal-Mart is perfectly fine.  It's been refined, which means that they processed it more, bleached it, took the scent out of it.  If you can find virgin, unrefined coconut oil, that's my personal preference.  It's got a stronger, nuttier scent (yum) and it stands to reason that it still contains more of the original nutrients than the refined version (like EVOO versus regular "olive oil", sorta).  The downside is that it isn't going to last as long.  So use it!

I buy mine at Trader Joe's.  It's also cheaper than the Spectrum at Wal-Mart (I think?).




Regardless of which you get, refined or virgin, it's going to turn into a solid under about 76º and a liquid above that.  If it's a solid, it'll melt pretty quickly in your hands and makes pony-application pretty damn easy.  If it's a liquid, I find that I'm going to use more, but I don't mind saturating my hands in it.  Keep in mind, though, that if you stick the liquid in a spray bottle, it needs to be above 76º to not solidify.

The outlier to this is fractionated coconut oil, which takes the "refined" to another step and permanently remains liquid.  I've never tried it, can't speak to its usefulness.  It's more expensive and part of this whole endeavor is to replace expensive horsey products with more natural, cheaper, less chemical products.  

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    15 comments

    1. L.WilliamsJuly 31, 2014 at 12:23 PM

      Once i found out my favorite expensive conditioner is essentially just coconut oil, I need to switch, once the bottle is empty.

      Also fucktarded is an amazing word, and if you didn't turn into a zombie I think your brain stem is fine.

      ReplyDelete
    2. HawkJuly 31, 2014 at 12:47 PM

      I once backed into a very strong electrical fence in a stallion's pen.....in water. Touched the back of my head. I don't remember hitting the ground :(. So I know how you must have felt!

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousJuly 31, 2014 at 12:57 PM

      If I had a dollar for every time I shocked myself on a fence...

      ReplyDelete
    4. SheMovedtoTexasJuly 31, 2014 at 1:21 PM

      Yikes I HATE getting shocked (and getting blood drawn). Feel for ya ha

      ReplyDelete
    5. Nicole AJuly 31, 2014 at 1:30 PM

      Thank you for all the coconut oil info! It's definitely on the list now. I had seen the jars at Trader Joe's and wondered if it could be used on hair...now I know!

      Ow electric fence! I'm glad you and your brain stem are ok. Charles has this weird compulsion of checking electric fences to "make sure they're working"...by touching them. *rolls eyes* Men.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Allison EJuly 31, 2014 at 1:41 PM

      I saw the title and the picture with arrows and immediately felt your pain. I'm definitely part of the coconut oil meets horse fan club.

      ReplyDelete
    7. SprinklerBanditJuly 31, 2014 at 3:09 PM

      Haha. Yeah. Definitely did the back of the head thing. I didn't feel right for the rest of the day.

      ReplyDelete
    8. CarlyJuly 31, 2014 at 5:30 PM

      WHY AREN'T YOUR NAILS PAINTED?! I love your teal polish!!

      ReplyDelete
    9. AoifeJuly 31, 2014 at 5:52 PM

      Ouchies, hope you're ok!
      *hugs*

      ReplyDelete
    10. redheadlinsJuly 31, 2014 at 6:06 PM

      OOOHHFFF! I feel your pain, one time I was scrubbing a water tank and forgot there was a wire above me. Yes the tank was metal, and yes my hand was in the water touching the metal. Total face plant in the mud I had just created0_o

      ReplyDelete
    11. Calm, Forward, StraightJuly 31, 2014 at 8:59 PM

      Once I thought (mistakenly) I was small enough to reach through the fence strands and pull the stopper out of a (full) water trough... it felt like someone put an iron on my shoulder, and I bit my tongue. Fucktarded indeed ;D

      ReplyDelete
    12. Boss Mare EventingAugust 1, 2014 at 9:12 AM

      oh, I do this regularly. The joys of electric fencing. Even more special in the winter with a hand on the water hydrant. UGh.

      ReplyDelete
    13. UnknownAugust 2, 2014 at 9:08 AM

      Ack! Don't electrocute yourself! As to coconut oil, i get mine at costco... cheap!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Liz StoutAugust 4, 2014 at 8:29 AM

      EEEEESSSH! No bueno. Nooooo bueno.

      ReplyDelete
    15. UnknownAugust 7, 2014 at 6:40 PM

      I'm slow catching up on blogs, but ouch. I've been electrocuted and knocked off my feet before. It isn't pretty

      ReplyDelete

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